An eclectic spiritual & inspirational place to heal, learn, feel & expand. Heart & soul first. Miraculous experiences from India as well as the life & times of a spiritual healer/teacher in the U.S. Miracles, saints, sages, gurus, healing, life & death... and more...!

Monday, December 27, 2004

sending love to South Asia...

kali statue with shiva
Originally uploaded by alxindia.
I was going to write a big beautiful Happy Christmas message to everyone -- but I've been super-busy (with an engrossing course running, here, over Christmas and at odd and all hours) and then...

on the full moon, of course, the earth rocked itself so severely that an Italian seismologist noted it disturbed the rotation of the earth itself.

& then the waves came, killing tens of thousands of people.

please, take a moment, quietly, and send your love to all of our brothers and sisters in India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Thailand, the Maldives... the quake and the waves are over but the long-term devastation of millions of people in the coastal regions of these countries isn't. people have lost their homes, family members, livelihoods, everything, gone in the blink of an eye.

please send your love and blessings. this part of the world really needs it, and will continue to need it, over the next days and weeks.

also -- while you're acting in love, keep asking the deep inner question -- WHY is Mother Divine doing this? what is Amma trying to show Her children on the planet, at this time, by triggering such devastation?

the first thing that inevitably happens around any tragedy, on any scale, personal or universal, is the question arising, when the shock has worn off: how could this happen?

particularly thoughtful or philosophical types will jump quickly enough to the second question: if there is a god, and that god is merciful, then why are we subjected to so much suffering in this life?

it's a good question. it bears investigating.

unless we decode Her actions, Her Nature, we will never learn anything.

She is the Nature; the earth that rocks itself, the waves that can comfort or destroy -- She is in the hearts of all human beings.

& more and more, She is showing Her face...

it's so so so important for all of us to look behind the immediate reflection, and discern the truth of Her actions...

Saturday, December 18, 2004

musing meditation retreats past...

garden meditation
Originally uploaded by alxindia.
someone was asking me what kinds of spiritual or meditation retreats I'd done, before this life-in-India thing happened ...

I was remembering fondly how I'd done a five-day sesshin once upon a time, at a Zen center near my home in Boulder Creek, California. (sesshin being the Zen Buddhist word for a retreat.)

it meant we all spent 10 hours a day sitting in formal zazen (half-lotus position with hands in a certain mudra), staring at the white wall in front of us with half-open eyes... with walking meditation and silent meals in between.

it was unbelievable.

I was a bliss-bunny after the first few hours, and it only got more joyous inside me as the time went by. (even though my physical body was getting stiff and sore and cranky as the hours, and then days, went by.)

everything was precious to me, every moment was interesting and super-vibrant. I mean, something was really awake and alive, inside me, as well as how I noticed and navigated through the external world.

(which is really saying a lot because I am notoriously NOT, I repeat, NOT a morning person, I don't ever ever ever do mornings, like sunrises, unless I've been up all night..... and at the retreat, I was waking up pretty happily at 4:30 a.m., oof, and ready to meditate all day.)

I loved the silence.

I loved the starkness of the white wall in front of me, day in and day out.

I loved not knowing what day of the week it was.

I loved how everything got blurry around the edges, how one day merged into one night, how each meal seemed unique but also like every other meal that had ever been, how waking and sleeping seemed not terribly different from one another.

I loved not having my cell phone ringing.

I loved feeling like the whole experience was intimate; it was between me and the divine and really no one else.

that was a big turning point in my spiritual life, on a lot of levels.

during that sesshin, I healed a traumatic romantic relationship (ironically, the guy was ATTENDING the retreat, an utter coincidence), I had a few mystical experiences that defied my mind completely and solidified my growing suspicion that there was indeed more to life than what meets the eye... and I dipped for the first time into real, sustained silence and found it delicious. & deliciously alive.

these days, living in an ashram in India, every day has the quality of a spiritual retreat.

I've been here for more than four years, now, watching day turn to night and back to day again, 365 times a year....

the distinctions between night and day, waking and sleeping, inner and outer awarenesses getting blurrier and blurrier around the edges by the minute.

it's marvelous.

clearly my destiny resides in the spiritual life.

I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've had over the years in meditation for anything else.

in particular, the ones most precious to me are those that stretched me WAYYYYYYY beyond what I thought was my comfort zone, both internally and externally, ie, physically.

those inside and outside challenges are the real bliss.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

my heart is a soccer player

one night
he told us

every soul
has a right to know
the Truth:

who am I
& what is Creation
& what am I doing in it ?

& I listened, bathed in happiness.

later, then,
the bundle of my inner flaws
remembered itself
& whispered, waveringly:

“... even me?”

my heart is a soccer player:

already had the ball
already running with it

toward the goal.


Friday, December 10, 2004

birthday blessings! & the real birth day...

the BEST birthday present
Originally uploaded by alxindia.
so today, the 11 december, is my 38th birthday!

I'm so happy to be in this world, at this time, in this life.

& so happy to be celebrating this creation with all of my soul-friends and family, today!

this photograph of Kaleshwara and me was taken a few birthdays ago (I'm ashamed to say I can't remember WHICH one!) in Penukonda, in the Jesus temple here in our ashram.

the story behind this photograph was a little epic lila for me....

it all started when I somehow got the strong idea that I DIDN'T, anymore, want to be subject to my guru's illusions, specifically around attachment to spending time with his physical form any more. (I saw people here absolutely devestated that he would sometimes walk right by them and not say 'good morning' to them. they'd be in tears for the rest of the day. I thought it was pathetic, and didn't want to be subject to that.)

I recognized at the time that Kaleshwara, as an avatara, is an energetic being, a divine soul, far larger than his little form suggests, as are we all... and after observing how much heartbreak people were going through, by not seeing clearly that illusion, I decided I didn't want to have to deal with him as a physical being any more.

what do I mean by this?

well, at that time he was conducting a painfully amusing chapter of our training that I referred to as "The Living Room Lila."

how it translated was this: night after night, when we were all meditating in the Jesus Temple in our ashram, he would pull some of his students (but not all) into his adjoining living room, for hanging out and private teaching sessions and talking, sometimes for hours at a time.

for the rest of the poor students, left to their own devices (meditation) in the Jesus Temple, it was a kind of torture. we would see WHO he had invited into the living room. and it wasn't us.

(it was often a small group comprised of similar people, each night, with a few variations just to keep it spicy.) why them? why not ME? our anguished minds would cry... we could often hear them laughing and joking with Kaleshwara, inside the room -- a double torture to those students who were feeling 'left out' of that privilege.

but I also realized the game that was running: that in wishing to be near the master physically, hearing him speak and just hanging out with him, it was catering to the attachment- illusion of being around his physical form, only, and actually was counter-productive in terms of trying to build energy channels to him directly.

the guru is a huge energy in a human form -- it's smart to connect more with the energy he's bringing, rather than to get wrapped up in being around him as a person. or enjoying his personality, his jokes, whatever. (the soul energy is permanent, eternal, the physical being is temporary at best.)

so, about the time I was struggling with all of this, and deciding in a kind of weird way that I only wanted to connect with his soul level, and not be subjected to the illusions around physical proximity to Kaleshwara, (or the lack thereof, since I was mostly 'left out' of the Living Room while, insult of injuries, my husband Jonathan was often included!) -- he invited me into the living room one night.

what followed was a steady torture chamber experience, with my master, in front of a group of my colleagues and fellow students. it was surgical, and precise, and ruthless, to me.

Kaleshwara -- acting innocently the whole time, but with a telling gleam in his eyes -- pretty much set up a situation where I was supposed to do a few simple things and of course I failed miserably.

I was like a sinking Titanic, unable to do anything but watch myself flail around and slowly go down under water. for an hour that seemed like a year. in slow motion.

in front of all of my friends.

it wound up with me embarrassing myself, and on top of it, getting a sharp scolding from Kaleshwara. like, he ripped me a new one. pointedly.

in front of all of my friends.

then he instructed me to stay in silence, not talking at all, for two days.

I spent those two days in my own internal hell, totally shaken up, embarrassed, filled with wild thoughts of moving out of the room with my husband, ending our relationship... I cried for a few hours.... and spent the rest of the time reliving the awful moments, step by step, of my failures in The Living Room torture seat, in front of my colleagues... on and on and on.

it was a beautiful torture -- a pulling out of whatever toxicity had been clogging me up.

and the message, clearly, from Kaleshwara, was: "it's great that you want to connect with my soul only, but as long as you're in a physical body and I'm in a physical body, you also HAVE to deal with me on the surface."

message received, loud and clear.

anyway, I was STILL shaking (and in silence) two days later, which happened to be my birthday. a friend at the ashram, oblivious to what I'd been through, mentioned that he'd told Kaleshwara that it was my birthday, as well as another student's birthday, and we should have a big party WITH Kaleshwara.

oh, my gawd.

the last thing in the WORLD I wanted was a public celebration (another chance for humiliation in front of all my friends!) with my master -- the very thought of how tough he'd been on me in The Living Room was still a fresh sting and enough to make me shake, literally shake, with dread.

& of course it came to pass that we had the party.

I was literally shaking the whole time.


Kaleshwara asked me, as a birthday boon (he'll grant anything his students ask, if they're lucky enough to ask it on their birthday!), what I wanted from him. I told him I wanted his soul energy with me always. always. he agreed, with enormous love in his eyes.

then he said the most beautiful thing, "of course I'm happy to celebrate your birthday -- but I really look forward to celebrating your REAL birthday. you know what that is? that's the day you wake up to the spiritual reality! that's your real birthday...!"

by the time he'd finished talking, so sweetly, I knew that Kaleshwara had washed my insides clean of all that sting, all that embarrassment, all that uncomfortable fear of confronting him again, after the earlier night of torture.

sometimes it takes a thorn to remove a thorn. he'd used a pretty sharp thorn on me that night, and then had let me run with it, as the poison in me flowed out, for a few days.

before again softening the experience, and taking away all the hurt.

I was smart enough, then, to ask Kaleshwara for a photograph of myself with him -- I'd wanted one for years and never had the opportunity.

when he gestured me to come close, for the photo, I still was a few feet away from him. wary, like a suspicious cat, sniffing for any sign of aggression or imminent attack. I was STILL nervous about getting another whack from Kaleshwara -- some unexpected humiliation in front of everyone. I was like a cat who's touched a hot stove -- I didn't want to get my paws anywhere NEAR another stove, hot or not.

Kaleshwara totally knew this, of course. he grinned at me, pulled me close to him, and, just like a mother cat does to a kitten, nudged my head with his head, kinda bumped it, as if to say, "hey, silly, it's okay. I love you, kid, no matter what!"

& then, the flash of the camera.

& this photograph, the sweetest birthday present I've ever had.

sweeter still because it followed a few dark nights of the soul.

even sweeter still because it contains the peace and love of the sunrise after the stormy night is over, and the promise of a real birth in this world.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

where DID She come from?

Originally uploaded by alxindia.

(this post temporarily suspended for technical repairs....!)

... & back to the Divine Mother, again

Kali statue
Originally uploaded by alxindia.

no mother raises good children without being strict. it's not possible. at some point in their development (usually earlier on than not), ALL children transgress the rules we didn't even know existed. if our mothers just let us do whatever we want, we're going to wind up being insufferable brats. so, mom swats us on the butt, or shouts 'no!' at us, or punishes us for screwing up.

the Divine Mother is like that, too, only She's hitting us through our own karmas, our own illusion blocks (like jealousy, egoism, pride, vanity, selfishness, etc.) and She's hitting us in order for us to purify those blocks to knowing our true selves, and to recognizing Her.

so, it's on our shoulders to decipher Her maya, Her illusion, and how deeply engaged in it we are with Her, and to always search for the deeper meaning behind the tests and tricks and challenges She throws at us.

I always think of the way we suffer, unknowingly, in Her creation as analogous to a three-year-old child who is trying to run into traffic -- to the three-year-old, there's nothing wrong with that impulse. mortality isn't really an issue. but to that mother -- my god! it's catastrophic, so she grabs the child, and sternly scolds the kid, telling him not to go running into traffic. ever.

to the child, mom is SO unfair! she's such a bitch! she's not letting the kid do whatever the kid wants to do. obviously, from the perspective of an adult, that mother is not only sensible, but within rights to be freaked out and stern, and even angry with her child. whatever it takes to impress on that child NOT to go running into traffic again -- even though it's a brutal denial of freedom, from the child's point of view!

(grinning here)

it's a tough game with Her, but what the heck, it's the only real game in the Universe (so what if it's rigged!?) -- and of course the final results are awfully blissful...

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

in other words...

what I'm saying about Jesus -- heretic that I may be called! -- is, ironically:

Jesus was the quintessential 'pagan.'

he was interested in the divine nectar, in the truth of god, not in religion.

or, in the words of the sapient Molly Ivins:

"Jesus... was the original bleeding heart liberal."

back to Jesus in India

Originally uploaded by alxindia.
so, finally, after all the explanations of Yogananda (one of my favorite saints of all time!) and his guru parampara (lineage), back to Jesus. (who is also part of Yogananda's lineage, although it's never expressly stated as to WHY Jesus is part of Yogananda's lineage.)

someone asked, would I talk about what I've learned about Jesus from my teacher, Kaleshwara...?

my response is -- touring Kaleshwara's website,, and looking under 'Teachings' and the JC Channels, will shed some light on what Sri Kaleshwar is doing and saying about Jesus.)

the real promise of Christ's life and spiritual study in India, as I understand it, according to Yogananda and other great saints, is that EVERY one of us, all souls on this planet, are eligible to receive the same high divine energy and spiritual knowledge that Jesus had, to perform similar miracles, and to share the high-level teachings.

no soul is ineligible -- if they're willing to do the hard spiritual work, they can get the results.

the word 'gospel' means 'good news' -- to me, the news that anyone can become a supernatural healer at the level of magnitude that Christ was, is thrilling.

good news, to say the least! and the world really needs such healers, especially now.


Originally uploaded by alxindia.
and then there's the ultimate guru in Yogananda's Guru Parampara (lineage) -- Mahavatara Babaji.

Babaji is an astounding character, one of those immortal beings who operated in the privacy of human history, always behind the scenes, guiding great saints to become even greater, without any public or formal acknowledgement of his role in their development as saints.

he's been alive on the planet since the 200s, showing up here and there, to various spiritual seekers who're of a high enough level to benefit from his training directly.

Yogananda was permitted, in his autobiography, to tell a few (very few) stories about Babaji -- certainly enough to give an idea of the immense divine fragrance that is Babaji.

he also mentioned that Jesus and Babaji, together, are running this planet and taking care of the evolution of the souls on it, for a great and loving divine purpose.

Jesus committed to take care of the souls in the West, and Babaji committed to take care of the souls in the East.

nobody meets Babaji in person without being a high divine character themselves. he lives in the Himalayas, surrounded by a close group of students, and they all move together at one time (by vanishing physically and popping up in another location) when Babaji taps his staff on the ground!

clearly Babaji is a tough-love master who doesn't waste his time with unclear or undedicated spiritual seekers. one of the stories Yogananda tells about him in Autobiography of a Yogi seems, on the surface, harsh:

Babaji and a group of students are sitting around in the Himalayas when a seeker comes up, who's been searching for Babaji for most of his life. he begs Babaji to "please, please accept me as your student. if you don't accept me to be your student, I will kill myself by jumping off that cliff."

Babaji takes one look at the guy and says, "jump, then!"

and without a second thought, the guy jumps off the cliff and falls to his death.

Babaji's students, witnessing this, are aghast. shocked. one of them says, "but Master, wasn't that a little extreme?"

Babaji's response is to laugh, and lead all his students to the base of the mountain where the wannabe's body is lying. he raises that body from the dead, brings the would-be student back to life, and then, grinning, tells him, "NOW you can be my student. that was the final test of your sincerity." and welcomes the guy into his select group of students.

to me, having been in India and learned a lot about spirituality through Kaleshwara, my teacher, and HIS master, Shirdi Sai Baba, I recognize Babaji's no-holds-barred style of teaching as a Dattatreya mechanism.

Dattatreya is the ultimate guru -- in fact, ALL guru lineages to back to him, no matter what religion, what tradition it is, today. they all flow back to the original teacher, Dattatreya.

Shirdi Sai Baba, Kaleshwara's master and my own sat-guru, ultimate master, is an incarnation of Dattatreya.

Datta is an unbelievable character, who contains all the three divine cyclic qualities IN him. he's often shown as having three heads, one for Brahma (the creator), one for Vishnu (the maintainer) and one for Shiva (the destroyer).

another way to think of this trinity of the godhead is:

G: Generator
O: Operator
D: Destroyer

Shirdi Sai Baba and other Datta saints manifest all three qualities of the god energy, at different times, for different reasons -- sometimes they're high-energy, amazing knowledge and creator characters. at other times, they're sweetness, love, kindness and generosity embodied. at other times, they are relentless and rough, sharp and even (seemingly) ruthless -- destroying the egoism and the illusions of their students.

the story of Babaji telling that guy to jump over the cliff and die is, to me, a CLASSIC Dattatreya mechanism -- it's a challenge to that student's clarity and surrendered-ness to the divine. if that student had hesitated for a moment, had responded to Babaji by saying, "JUMP? are you crazy!???" or protested in any way -- no way he would've been accepted as Babaji's student.

it seems crazy to the rational mind, how someone could have such a blind faith in a spiritual master that they would literally be willing to die at a moment's notice on the orders of that master -- but spirituality, in Dattatreya's beautiful hands, is a matter of real surrender, no matter what god is asking.

and of course -- the inevitable amazing outcome of the story, Babaji raising that man from the dead, right in front of his astonished students' eyes, and then welcoming him with open arms as a great student... that's the real love, the real divine fragrance, the real Datta mechanism.

Yogananda's 'grandfather guru'

lahiri mahasaya
Originally uploaded by alxindia.
Lahiri Mahasaya, the great householder siddha (means he was married, with a family AND a supernatural saint at the same time), was Yogananda's 'grandfather guru,' as I like to call him -- he was the guru of Yogananda's guru Yukteshwar.

the Indian mystic tradition involves lineage -- lineages of knowledge that is passed down from guru to student, who then becomes a guru to the next wave of students, and so on. this is called Guru Parampara (guru lineage) and insures that the secret divine knowledge, things that can't be written down and can hardly be spoken of, are passed down, protected from abuse and misunderstanding, and kept alive to serve the planet in the hands of the saints.

Lahiri Mahasaya was an unassuming Indian railroad employee for all of his life. he was also a MAJOR supernatural saint, a great siddha. his own wife didn't even know his abilities until one night she was awakened in their bedroom by the sight of her husband of decades, levitating near the ceiling, surrounded by a group of angels!

Yogananda lecturing

Originally uploaded by alxindia.
Yogananda lectured widely throughout the United States, drawing huge crowds in New York, Chicago, and other major American cities.

he established his monastery, and his main teaching center, the Lake Shrine, in Los Angeles. the other ashram, at Encinitas, was constructed on land right near the ocean near San Diego.

his voice (I heard it in dreams before I heard it in actuality) was BOOMING, a huge, melodious, expressive basso profundo voice, like a rishi's. there are audio tapes of some of his lectures -- amazing to hear his voice and eloquence.

one of my favorite Yogananda quotes:

"this life is nothing but a dream bluff of god, to test your faith in immortality."

it's all a dream -- whether we think it's real or not... it's still just a dream.........

'the lion of Bengal': Sri Yukteshwar

Originally uploaded by alxindia.
Yukteshwar, Yogananda's guru, 'the lion of Bengal,' was an unbelievable spiritual master. Yogananda talks about his training under Yukteshwar in his autobiography.

Yukteshwar, among other things, was known for his deep grasp and recitations of Christian scriptures. although a monk himself, he was passionately interested in the world events of his day; in science and technological advances in particular. he spoke fluent French in addition to his native Bengali -- and was a jyotish master, an expert in astrology.

clearly one of his major tasks, though, was to prepare Yogananda as a spiritual master who could bridge East and West. Yogananda, steeped in the Indian mystical tradition, was sent to America to teach and intitate hundreds of thousands of people, over his lifetime, about the similarities between Indian spirituality and Christianity.

Yukteshwar's description of an apex state in meditation, from his book The Holy Science blows my mind -- clearly he's referencing the greatness of Jesus as well as the 7 Rishis... (if you check out my teacher's website,, you'll notice the JC Channels, which he originally called "the 7 Rishi Channels" or Sapta Rishis, 'sapta' being seven.)

so, Yukteshwar, on meditation, from The Holy Science:

"Then he perceives the manifestations of Spirit, and passes through the seven Patala Lokas (or centers in the spine), beholding the seven rishis.

In the state of baptism (Bhakti Yoga, or Surat Sabda Yoga, absorption of the Ego in the holy Sound) man repents and withdraws his self from the external world of gross matters, Bhuloka, and enters into the internal one of fine matter, the Bhuvarloka. There he perceives the manifestation of Spirit, the true Light, like seven stars in seven centers or astrally shining places, which are compared to seven golden candlesticks. These stars, being the manifestation of true Light, the Spirit, are called angels or rishis, which appear one after another in the right hand of the son of man; that is, in his right way to Divinity."

Paramahamsa Yogananda

Originally uploaded by alxindia.
I keep forgetting that some folks who visit this site are just finding out about Indian mysticism, and don't know all the names of the characters.

I was mentioning Paramhamsa Yogananda earlier. he was one of India's greatest shining stars, a saint for all saints, a total love being whose book "Autobiography of a Yogi" has changed lives all over the planet.

he spent most of his life in America, not by his own choice, but at his master's orders. his face was so full of light and love that he was often mistaken for a woman. there are many photographs of Yogananda where he appears quite feminine -- obviously the Divine Mother was alive and well in his form, and was showing Herself through him.

when Yogananda took his mahasamadhi (his conscious death), it was in Los Angeles at a huge formal banquet for the then Indian ambassador. Yogananda's body is still in Los Angeles, at Forest Lawn -- and it apparently STILL hasn't decayed at all.

one of my favorite Yogananda stories involves a not-very-subtle display of his supernatural awareness:

Yogananda was lecturing in Boston about Jesus and Jesus' greatness, and a few days after he received an anonymous letter from a very angry guy who was spouting off that Jesus was a myth and never existed, and that Yogananda himself was a charlatan for claiming otherwise.

so, what to do? Yogananda prayed for divine guidance, and went to the Boston library, where the man who'd written the letter happened to be visiting. he walked right up to that guy, and said, (I'm paraphrasing here) "I just want you to know I got your letter, and by the same divine powers that Jesus had access to, I was able to locate you and I'm here to let you that Jesus was real."

I can imagine that guy's jaw pretty well dropped to the ground!

of course the best thing to read is Yogananda's own life-story, his immortal "Autobiography of a Yogi" -- here are some websites to enjoy as well. SRF (Self-Realization Fellowship) is his original organization. Ananda was a splinter group from SRF that was also clearly ordained by Yogananda, and its leader, Kriyananda (J. Donald Walters) was one of Yogananda's top students, and a founder of SRF, before he left to start Ananda. books/conversations_yogananda.asp

Monday, December 06, 2004

on a roll with Jesus & Mother Divine

st julian of norwich
Originally uploaded by alxindia.
& who better to comment on those two characters than St. Julian of Norwich?

she was a 14th-century British Benedictine nun who had direct visions of and teachings from Christ. Julian's writings are infused with the living brilliance of divine information -- she clearly understood god as both mother and father. interestingly enough, much of what she wrote in the 1300s are experiences & understandings identical with what I'm learning in India.

(so it's after 1 a.m., and it's one of those rare nights where I'm sitting in India, late at night, totally wide awake, listening to the crickets chirping and clicking outside... and I have actually finished all of my meditation work, so I'm free to blunder and surf and blog on the net.)

for the last day or two, Jesus & Mother Divine (and their connection) has really been in the forefront of my mind. possibly because it's nearing Christmas time.

or because Jesus is coming up, again, strongly, in the world's consciousness and most especially here in our little humble home in Penukonda. who can say?

anyway, there's a lot I want to post about Jesus, as we gear up for this miraculous Christmas season...

but for now, this from St. Julian, on the maternal nature of god, will suffice:

  "The mother's service is nearest, readiest and surest. It is nearest, for it is natural, readiest, for it is most of love, and surest for it is of truth. This office might nor could anyone ever do to the full, but Christ Jesus, God and Man alone. We know well that all our mothers bear us with pain and for dying. But our true Mother Jesus, he alone bears us to joy and to bliss, and endless living, blessed must he be.

Thus he sustains us within him in love. And travailed into the full time that he would suffer the sharpest throes and the most grievous pains that ever were or ever shall be, and died at the last and when he had done and so borne us to bliss, yet might not all this be enough to his marvellous love. And that showed he in these high overpassing words of love, 'If I might suffer more I would suffer more' .

He might no more die, but he would not cease working. Therefore then he needs must feed us, for the dear worthy love of Motherhead has made him debtor to us. The mother may give her child to suck her milk, but our precious Mother Jesus, he may feed us with himself, and does full courteously and full tenderly with the blessed sacrament of his body and blood that is precious food of very life."

(if you want to read more from St. Julian --

Ramakrishna & Jesus

an inspiring story about Ramakrishna Paramahamsa -- he was a kind of spiritual maverick, in that he came from a devout and strictured Indian Brahmin family, but he was so dedicated to god that he evolved into an experimental character. always researching on god's nature. always testing the divine energy in his own inner soul laboratory.

once Ramakrishna gained enlightenment, he tried every type of spiritual practice he could find, from all the major disciplines he knew of, to see if they would wind up at the same place. for several days, he followed the Muslim prayers and diet and rules of living -- and found that, of course, Islam led to god the same way the various Hindu traditions do.

Ramakrishna was also moved to experience Christianity, and for a period of three days he only recited Christian prayers, looked at drawings of Jesus and his mother, Mary, and had visions of Christian monks chanting different prayers, in monasteries.

after three days, he reached the same enlightenment he had found from all the other paths.

then, later, he noticed a stranger, clearly a foreigner, walking on the grounds of the temple complex (Dakshineshwar) where he lived. as the man came closer, with long-ish hair and clear eyes, Ramakrishna recognized him as Jesus Christ.

Jesus came up to Ramakrishna, threw his arms open, and the two embraced. as they hugged each other -- Jesus dissolved into Ramakrishna. his form disappeared completely, but his energy remained and merged with Ramakrishna.

these days, when looking at a photo of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa (which I do daily, since I have him on my wall), it's obvious from his eyes that he definitely knew the range and scope of the greatness not only of Mother's creation, and this world's inner workings, but he also knew the breadth and depth of the ocean that is Jesus.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

one of Her greatest children...

ramakrishna paramahamsa
Originally uploaded by alxindia.
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa was a simple village priest who worshipped Kali in the form of a statue that he took care of, in a temple called Dakshineswar, in Bengal, India.

she tortured him pretty well for 12 years -- he wanted nothing more than to see Her, in a divine form, to know Her mysteries, to be taught directly by Her, and to know Her love.

the more impatient he got, the more She made him wait....!

but of course She finally showed Herself to him, and he became one of the greatest saints in modern history. (he died in the early 1890s.)

who came first? mother or father?

kali statue with shiva
Originally uploaded by alxindia.
while we argue this out for another yuga, let's talk about Her saints...

it's worthwhile to notice that all of history's greatest saints, regardless of tradition, are Kali worshippers -- whether they are blatant about it, or not. they all worship Mother Divine.

for instance, it's obvious from "Autobiography of a Yogi" that Yogananda was a strong Kali worshipper. he mentions Her all the time, in various stories and contexts. if he worshipped Her, then so did his guru, and his guru before him, etc.

other great saints who worshipped Kali -- Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, of course. also, Ramana Maharshi (many people are surprised by this, but he kept a Sri Chakra yantra buried under the very top of Arunachela, his mountain-guru, in India.) Shirdi Sai Baba. Lord Buddha (some accounts say that his 'mother's name was Mahamaya' -- Mahamaya being another appellation of Divine Mother...) Adi Shankaracharya. Jesus, too -- scholars are just beginning to entertain the idea that sages have known during the last 2000 years, namely, Jesus studied in India with great saints and gained his abilities in India.

anytime we're talking about an avatara, a supernatural soul (especially one who demonstrates miracles), they've had to have had a relationship with the Divine Mother in Her highest form. She is the creation, all of Nature (and all of the divine beings) are in Her. Yogananda alluded to this when he was explaining who She is, in Autobiography of a Yogi. but this means, practically speaking, if you want to access the mystery and the mechanisms of creation, you have to go through Her, the ultimate creator.

if you look at my teacher's website,, under 'golden statements,' you'll find his comment about the Divine Mother:

"Mother is Mother. She doesn't belong to any religion...."