alxindia

An eclectic spiritual & inspirational place to heal, learn, feel & expand. Heart & soul first. Miraculous experiences from India as well as the life & times of a spiritual healer/teacher in the U.S. Miracles, saints, sages, gurus, healing, life & death... and more...!

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

From Sri Kaleshwar, about mastery.... 

 "Until you cross (certain energy stages), it's very intense energy. To reach almost 50% of the stages, there are really a lot of processes.

You have to take the initiation to reach your destiny. Completely you have to follow the messages. If you are always back and forth in confusion, then even if you spend 25, 50 or 100 years, it's no use. With my channels and what I'm teaching, I'm giving strong instructions, rules and regulations to strictly follow.

Period.

Once you're confused, it's huge. If you have any questions, you have to discuss it directly with the master. Different masters have different ideas.

If you go on different paths it takes your life this way, that way, this way. It's like a rose flower; it starts, blooms, than quickly dies.

So all the information, the divine prayers, divine stages, you have to go very deeply step-by-step. Once you decide to take the commitment you have to go like a horse with blinders. You can't proceed this way and that way, up and down or you'll miss your way. One hundred percent you'll miss your way. 

Focus - focus - flow - that's it. Period. Keep on your track. 

For a person who has a regular family life, who is happy to do his business, who is happy to stay in his business, who is happy to stay with his family, who doesn't want to do spiritual practices, who doesn't want to be a healer, who doesn't want to be a guru, who doesn't want to be a master, there's no need to do all these practices. You can just go live a normal life. Otherwise, they'll be too many ups and downs.

Once you come in the student kingdom of your master, you become a student to change and become a master yourself; it's a commitment. If you take the initiation, forever and ever you have to stay in that process. Otherwise that energy drives you a little crazy. Even if you taste only a little bit of that energy, it puts you in a little confusion for a while, whether you want or you don't want to be a master.

Spirituality is spirituality; the master's nature is the master's nature. It cycles from the beginning, from master to master. For example, Muktananda's way of teaching, his way of loving, is different. Maybe it's a jasmine flower.

Sri Sai Kaleshwara Swami, his way of teaching, his way of doing things, it is a rose flower. There's jasmine, and there's a rose. 

But under this rose flower, there are little thorns. If you want to hold it, you need a little special talent to take the flower out, otherwise it can prick you. Each master is like that.


SURRENDERING TO THE GURU PARAMPARA 
Every person needs to surrender to the Almighty, to the guru parampara. Every person is a student of a master, even Krishna. 

My super golden statement is: You have to surrender to the truth, and then you can know it. You can't wait to know it before you surrender. 

Surrender is a cosmic energy law. You have to surrender, but who are you really surrendering to? You are surrendering not to me, but to the guru parampara.

I'm a mirror. If you see me as beautiful, I'm beautiful. If you see me as crazy, I'm crazy. I reflect it back to you. Through love, following the principles, it's easy to understand the guru parampara. What you have to do is surrender. In the third stage of illusion you learn this surrender. The real experience depends on how much you really are enjoying your time with the master. To do this means that you must understand the energy flowing from the guru parampara.

You are very confused if you look to his personality and not his energy and his angels. Not only me - any spiritual master. You have to be very careful to understand this. 

Even if you think innocent thoughts like, “is Swami using hair color, or what type of clothes is he wearing, what type of shoes is he wearing?” - then you make the mistake of thinking Swami's personality is equal to understanding him.

You are in huge confusion. No chance, you can't come out from that.

Even my boys, who are working here for more than seven years, are still in huge confusion. They can't understand Swami. They're saying, "Different times he's eating, like 1 a.m., 2 a.m., or 4 a.m."

All I say is, "Hey I'm hungry, bring the food." Even some of Swami's dearest students, even they are confused.

My advice, try to hook the main branch directly, the main branch. If you hook some other branches there are a lot of unbalanced vibrations.

Go to the main branch directly. You have to go directly to the main point, the main man, the main master. Take that and go. That's my advice.


THE REAL MASTER IS LIVING IN YOU 
Always the real master is living in you. You have to recognize that is the one truth. The real master is always living in you. You do not need to go searching country by country, village by village, city by city, healer by healer. Take a beautiful friend, a master, a teacher, a guide, and take the knowledge.

Tell God, "Okay, this is the knowledge. Millions of people are doing the Indian tradition. Many people received. I'm also I'm doing this same process. Maybe mistakes are there. Maybe perfection is there. I have no idea. I am a kid. Oh God, I'm completely a kid. I have no idea if it's true or not, with my heart I am doing it. I am believing in you. I'm not depending on Sri Sai Kaleshwara Swami. I'm depending on you. You are the real judge. Give the result."


PURPOSE OF ENLIGHTENMENT IS TO BE A HOLY HEALER 
Change your life to be a holy healer, a soul healer − otherwise what is the purpose of your enlightenment?

What was the reason Jesus helped all those people? What was the reason Buddha meditated and meditated, and his soul completely healed millions of people? His soul was prepared like that. He’s sending his energy to everybody who prays to him.

When you are in the body, try to do that practice. Then when you leave your body, whoever thinks on you completely, your energy − your soul energy − comes to help them. That’s how they became avatars, holy persons. You must also turn your life, your body, to be like a holy person − a holy healer, a soul healer.

No matter if someone is in a big depression, if you meditate on him one shot, one time, one sitting, just touching his third eye to heal him, he will feel huge results. It’s like sharing a huge love. It’s not possible to explain through words. It must come through the experience.

Some people may be saying, “Oh Swami, when I sit in the meditation, I’m seeing huge light. My soul is completely dissolving in the huge light. I’m feeling such gloriousness. I’m enjoying such a beautiful experience. I’m seeing a lot of things in front of my third eye, and I’m feeling huge enlightenment.” 

That’s okay, but that’s only the first beginning stage of your enlightenment.


YOU NEED TO PRACTICE HEALING TO RECOGNIZE THE ENERGY 
Secondly, how can you recognize when your soul is powerful?

For example, suppose I say, “This flower smells so good.” How do you know it smells good? When did you smell it? When did you think it? What’s happening at the time? You think for a moment, and then you say, “Yes, it’s beautiful. Swami, you’re right.”

If you’re not giving anybody healings, you can’t get any results. You need to work. Then the result comes. Then you need to give yourself the judgment.

I gave the seed. You need to plant it. Then you wait. Plant it in a proper way. Do with your energy what I said, to connect the Brahma Consciousness to your deepest desire thoughts. You can work on ten people at a time. In your meditation, you can handle ten people’s problems. Then you wait and see the seeds come up.

If one person visited you today, suppose you told him, “Next weekend, please visit me. I want to see the result.” Meanwhile, three, four days later that person calls, “Oh it is tremendous, something is happening. It’s good. Oh, I’m feeling so great.” When he’s saying something good, you feel a little, ‘Oh yeah, good, okay’ − because you’re also continually working with your heart with your Brahma Consciousness.

If one hundred people are saying, “Oh yeah” − then you completely know it’s working. There’s no doubt about it. When one thousand people are saying, “Oh yeah, perfect” − then you have huge willpower and self-confidence. You will have complete faith on what you are doing, on what’s working.

You have to practice to do the hard work. That’s very important. Otherwise it’s no good. If you’re only simply sitting in your kitchen, eating six chapattis with the two liters of dhal saying, “Oh Swami, what did you do? Nothing is happening.” − that’s crazy. You need to work.

Have your friends sit in front of you, then touch their third eye and meditate on them. Or two or more people can sit holding hands, or making contact with their bodies, and meditate together.

When four people sit together in meditation, the energy flows. You don’t even need to do a healing − you can still feel the energies magnetizing, pulling you. Then you feel oooohhhhh. The experience of one person meditating and four people meditating is completely different.

You need to recognize your energy when you’re starting to heal somebody else, when you’re working on somebody else, when you’re thinking on someone’s problems or your family members’ problems or your friends’ problems. Send your energy to them, heal them directly or from long distance, whatever it is.

That’s the only time when you can recognize your energy. You must to do the practice. It’s like I gave you a big Mercedes Benz car. I gave the keys. I trained you in a small jeep, but you have to practice in that properly. Even if I explain the car’s diving, “You do, do that, do this, do that, do that” − it’s no use. You have to practice it. Understand?

If I say, “Smell it, it is so beautiful” − you must also smell it. “Yeah, it’s beautiful.” That’s why I advise my students, “Please work, please do some work for people.”

Heal people’s souls, whoever really has problems − depression, strange problems. Then you can easily recognize your energy."

                                           ~ Sri Kaleshwar

Sunday, June 13, 2021

divine chocolate: the guru parampara




(written in 2003)

A miracle is not always an obvious miracle. 

People have a tendency, I believe, to think of miracles only in terms of experiencing a physical, tangible, visible result -- like the creation of holy ash in a saint’s hand, or a cross made from two rough pieces of wood bleeding liters of blood, or the sudden healing of an incurable disease. 

Sometimes a miracle, though experienced first through the physical eyes and the human mind, is an internal, private experience of the heart, or the soul. Often it’s an event you don’t even understand in the moment, but only later, after a period of reflection. 

Kaleshwar has said many times that the objects he manifests or teleports from one location to another, such as rings, necklaces, or gemstones, are like chocolates. Miracles are like chocolates for children – because it’s easier to get a child’s full attention, when you want to communicate something important to that child, if you first offer him a delicious chocolate. Once he’s eating the sweet treat, his heart is more open to you, and to your message. 

Those chocolates are the simple level, Miracles 101. A demonstration of a miracle, an unexplainable change in the state of physical reality, like the creation of a solid object – ash, jewelry, a Shiva lingam from sand or fire – where moments before, there WAS no such object, though amazing to the mind, is still chocolate for children. 

Divine chocolate, to open the heart.

But even though something in your heart opens the moment you witness a miracle like that, it may take months, or even years, to understand that it did actually open, and longer still to grasp what that heart-opening might mean.

Before I first met Kaleshwar in person, I had heard a great deal about the miracles he demonstrates. I was excited, skeptical, and interested to see one for myself.

Certainly, receiving a divine chocolate from a spiritual master like Kaleshwar was more than I imagined it would be: surprising, pleasing, enjoyable, special – and above all, sweet.  And he certainly got my undivided attention!

And of course, it’s a natural human response -- having eaten such a chocolate -- to want, immediately, to have more. 

In my experiences along this spiritual trail with Swami Kaleshwar, I’ve noticed that in the beginning, when I wanted more of the miraculous, ‘more’ meant ‘more quantity;’ but as I’ve progressed further along in spirituality with him, ‘more’ has really come to mean ‘deeper.’ 

I want to write about a deeper miracle I experienced with Kaleshwar a few years ago – a surprising dive into the mystery of who he is, who I am, and the infinite possibility in the relationship between student and guru. It was an occasion where, although I was in the same room with him for more than an hour, we never exchanged a word, or even a glance – and yet, it was one of the most profound and moving moments I’ve ever had with him.


Sri Kaleshwar & Shirdi Baba murthi


It was sweet, and deep, and timeless – and it goes like this:

It was a dark, cool night in India, some time after midnight. Unusually enough, I felt strongly drawn to leave the comfort of my room and stroll through the still, quiet ashram grounds to meditate in the temple.  The night was super-clear, and peculiarly hushed, as though a veil of peace had descended over the whole world. 

I came walking up the path and the two sets of stairs that lead to the temple, ready to take a seat inside and start my meditation.

At the temple doorway, I stopped, frozen in my tracks – because the temple, far from being, as I’d hoped, deserted at this late hour, was occupied by Kaleshwar himself, sitting in his chair, with a group of Western students at his feet. There was another group of students, all Japanese, sitting immobile, like statues themselves, on the stage, clustered around the statue of Shirdi Sai Baba, deep in silent meditation. 

Throughout the dimly lit temple, by the light of a couple oil lamps, I could make out a few silhouettes of maybe five other people, one here, one there, meditating.  

The peculiarly subdued quality of the night I’d noticed, walking toward the temple, was even more pronounced inside.

The surprise of seeing Kaleshwar there was so unexpected that I took a step back, and didn’t really stop to consider what it meant. I had the sharp impression – because of the quiet but pointed intensity and focus I perceived in the group around him – that he was involved in a private process of some kind with that group. 

In this ashram, it’s a golden rule to NOT step into, or ask about, or even pay any attention to, someone else’s process with the Swami.

I knew the rules, saw the situation at hand, and acted accordingly. I turned around and swiftly left the temple, thinking, “Oh, my god. I shouldn’t be here right now.”

As I was walking away, something strange happened. I kept seeing the scene in the temple, playing and replaying in my mind’s eye. I went down one flight of stairs, across the slates of the courtyard… thinking… “Okay, Kaleshwar is there with a private group of students, whew, good thing I left.” 

Then thinking… “But a few OTHER students are there, too, scattered around the temple and they’re obviously NOT part of that process…”    Another flight of stairs, and I’m still thinking… “…and the doors of the temple are wide open. ANYONE could just walk in and see that he’s doing something private...”  

A few more steps, and I slipped my feet into my sandals, and then it hit me…. “Hey, WAIT!  If he wanted this to be a totally private process, he’d have taken that group into some back room or another. Or, at least, the temple doors would be shut and locked! That ‘anyone’ could see what’s going on means…I’m Anyone, too!” 

And I dropped my sandals, turned back around and ran quietly back to the temple door. It was one of those cases where my feet were far ahead of my mind. They carried me back before I was fully aware of what I was doing, or that I’d even consciously decided to go back. The pull was that irresistible.

I stood outside the temple door, again, and looked in, sheepishly – yup, it was still the same scene. By this time, my mind had caught up with my body, so without hesitating, certain that I was welcome, so long as I remained respectful and unobtrusive, I walked in and sat down on my cushion, on the floor, in the very back of the temple.

My intention was to do my meditation process, but instead, I found myself watching the circle of people sitting at Kaleshwar’s feet and wondering what was happening. It was so darkened in the temple, and I was sitting so far in the back, that I could barely even see his face. I noticed some of the other students in the room, craning their necks as they, too, tried to catch a glimpse of what was happening. 

Suddenly I recognized – how, exactly, I don’t know – that trying to see the process wasn’t the best way to experience it. So I quit squinting and straining. I simply quit trying to see at all on the physical level; rather, I leaned back against the wall and heard my inner voice saying, “I’m just going to enjoy this energy as much as I can, to be open-hearted and to experience whatever’s going on, whatever my master wants me to experience, and not try to figure it out.” 

The moment I melted into that awareness – into the surety that I didn’t need to know WHAT Kaleshwara was doing, exactly, to receive the full impact of the energy he was creating  --  the whole beauty of the energy in that temple began pouring into me. It permeated my physical body, my heart, and I’m sure it was filling my soul’s cup as well. And it was delicious, peaceful, sublime, high divine energy – the kind Kaleshwar has beautifully, and accurately, described as “melodious energy.”

The group of Western students sat at his feet for what seemed to be about twenty minutes or so, although the vibrating, pulsing peace in the room was so strong that two hours could easily have gone by and I wouldn’t have known the difference.

Suddenly, Kaleshwar stood up and dismissed that group, probably to the upstairs Jesus temple. “Okay,” I thought, “That’s it. The process is finished.”  I watched the group file by, noticing how solemn their faces were, how one-pointed their focus was.

Even though part of me thought it was over, I didn’t want to leave the temple. I was vaguely aware of feeling rooted to the ground, like a tree. Even if I’d WANTED to leave, at that exact moment, there was no way my body was going to cooperate with the idea of leaving.

So I stayed there, sitting in the shadows at the back of the temple, watching, dazed, as Kaleshwar climbed the steps of the main altar, and walked right up to the statue of his master, Shirdi Sai Baba.

I don’t recall now if he made a pranam (that is, bowed his head until it touches the statue’s feet) to Baba or not. I don’t recall anything specific except the mind-bending surge of energy that came rolling down from the stage, from that statue, the moment Kaleshwar stepped near Baba. It was an oceanic wave, building, cresting, and breaking in the temple, and washing everything along in its path (including me) as it rolled on through the temple and out the doorway just next to me.

I think I actually gasped aloud.

Then Kaleshwar did something I’ve never seen him do, before or since: he stood right up next to the statue of Shirdi Sai Baba – looking very dark, his skin a night sky, starkly contrasted with his immaculate white clothing and the softer white marble of Baba’s face – and he leaned his head against Baba’s shoulder. So gently, so tenderly, he leaned, until his head was touching Baba’s head ever so slightly.  And he stood that way, unmoving, for what felt like, what must have been, an eternity.

It was as if all time had stopped still, completely, this frame frozen and stolen from Forever. It might have gone on for months, or decades, or centuries, even eons. What human being can really gauge the length of a divine moment? 

Meanwhile, waves of pure energy, of pure joy, of pure love, even more intense and more beautiful that the initial one, were emanating from the two of them, coming in like the tide, one after another, after another, and then spilling on out of the doors and windows of the temple.

No building on earth could contain those waves, that ocean, that love.

And in the middle of the utter peace and awe that welled up in me, in response to those blissful waves, I remembered Kaleshwar saying once, almost dreamily, the words half-whispered as if to himself (and we who happened to hear them seemingly incidental to their being uttered at all):  “I’m here doing this job now because I promised Baba many, many thousands of years ago that I would come and do it.” 

And as I looked at the two forms frozen in mute communion on that stage, I saw that promise come to life, vibrant and endless in its wordless expression of love. 

In the same moment I felt the weight of Kaleshwar’s promise, I also witnessed the absurdity of the temporary – the absolute absurdity of two impossibly enormous, shining souls, trapped (albeit voluntarily) inside two impossibly awkward forms: one a human male, slight in height but shyama sundara, as dark and beautiful as Lord Krishna himself, and the other a stone sculpture, a carved piece of marble in the shape of a beggar, a Muslim fakir, wearing an exquisite sari as a covering, and flower garlands, and a gold crown on his head… 

The one, a form in flesh, leaning delicately against the other, a stone form, leaning like a son, a student, a friend, a lover, a parent, a colleague, all combined.

At the same time I perceived the cosmic absurdity of those temporary forms, I experienced the depth and the breadth of the eternal, pure love between their boundless souls. It is that love, which has no beginning and no end, that love that is form and formless, that is creation and dissolution; that perfect divine, timeless love with which these two shining souls, Kaleshwar and Shirdi Sai Baba, had sealed a contract, a dharmic bargain, all those thousands of years ago. 

That love, that soul-to-soul perfect comprehension and communion and mutual surrender between the two of them, to bring an amazing new spiritual understanding to this planet… their promise IS that love. 

As I was experiencing – to my utter amazement – the play of that love, and that eternal bond between guru and student, student and guru, the love waves were still pouring in and through and outwards like the surf, touching the whole world in silent, and potent, blessing. It was completely overwhelming. 

The mysterious strength of that promise, made by Kaleshwar to Baba, seemed impossible and at the same time perfectly possible. Numbly, I began to wonder about what promises my own soul may have made to my own guru, Kaleshwar…

I’d begun to cry without fully realizing that I was crying. I heard myself sniffle out loud, the sound echoing off the walls and marble floor in the cavernous temple, and foggily, became aware that tears had been rolling down my face for some time, now.

The waves of that infinite promise were throbbing in my heart, and in that moment it was so open, expanded, and available that the more I received the energy inside, the harder I cried. The tears, and the receiving, were completely out of my control. It was a melting beyond all melting. 

Finally, noticing that my whole body was shuddering with suppressed sobs, I got up and left the temple, afraid that I would begin sobbing audibly and so disturb the experience of the other people still in the temple.

As I walked out of the temple and into the night, tears of pure joy still flooding my cheeks, the air fragrant with jasmine and other flower essences wafting by on the breezes, I realized that I had just experienced a profound miracle – the miracle of timeless, perfect love. 

The miracle of the Guru Parampara.

The gratitude in my heart was then – and still is – inexpressible in words. The British poet Wordsworth came as close as one can come to it, when he wrote, “My dear friend, need I say, that to the brim my heart was full….. I made not vows, but vows were then made for me.”

A doorway into the infinite splendor and glory of the vows of this planet, this guru, this lineage, this dharma, this love, this god, and my own soul, had been flung wide open for a few priceless moments. I’d seen the origin of an ancient promise, made by my guru to his guru, the flowing result of that promise, and my own dharmic connection to that promise, all at the same time. 

On the surface viewing, there was nothing remarkable in it – an Indian man leaning against a marble statue of another Indian man in a temple in the middle of the night.

Internally, however, it was staggering; a deathless pact between two giant souls, spilling out into this world and into my own life. Into my own heart. 

“You have to recognize what are the mortal things, and what are the immortal things,” Kaleshwar has told us many times. It may be simple enough to repeat, or to hear, a sentence like that, but to me it is a miracle, as a human being, to have EXPERIENCED something of the truth that lives in and beyond those words.

It is through Kaleshwar’s and Shirdi Sai Baba’s grace, that I was so so so unimaginably fortunate as to have been standing right in front of that door when it opened -- able and even invited to come in and to taste, for those few eternally frozen seconds, the real depth of the divine chocolate.  

.

.

.

 

 

Thursday, January 21, 2021













"Do you have two rupees for me?" Shirdi Sai Baba, the great, wild, miracle healing saint of the 19th/20th century would always ask the local people of Shirdi, in India, as he was begging on his daily rounds. 

Two rupees: faith and patience, those all-important two requirements in spirituality, is what he was asking for, indirectly. WHY? Because the reality of spirituality, of healing, of knowing how to operate in this creation, is NOT easy, and not for the faint of heart.  

We come to the divine characters carrying our armloads of blocks, of emotions, of projections, like entitled teenagers -- feeling that because we have found a divine master like Shirdi Baba, Jesus, Buddha, Yogananda, or Sri Kaleshwar, that now they OWE us immediate results. "I did this mantra, I expected this result, I didn't get it..." This could not be more of an illusion and egoic trap!

Over many years of dealing with the avadhuta energy, and doing intense sadhanas in the Sai spiritual tradition, I've learned that it is humility, not demanding, that gets results.  It is required to develop faith, a simple, unshakeable belief and trust in the divine -- especially in the absence of results! -- no matter what.

And patience -- the most difficult of all to learn, practice, and develop -- really wins the day with the divine.

If we come in a big hurry, expecting a red carpet treatment and immediate results, and are foolish enough to demand all that from the avadhuta characters, their first response to us is: "No. Wait."  

WAIT.

If we persist in our impatience, we will soon find ourselves at the END of the line..... until we learn, internally and practically, what patience really is.

It is a confused arrogance to assume that we command/demand the timeline of the divinity, or that we have the right to assert our sense of entitlement for immediate gratification.

In the mirror reflected back to us from the guru energy, we will see our own blocks thrown back at us in an amplified way -- until we drop our own nonsense and start to approach the divine from an angle more infused with understanding, discipline, delicacy, and an open humility, a real humbleness.

By putting our restless, impatient, mind-driven, demanding nature on the waiting list, the avadhuta energy is doing us a real favor -- teaching us how to be skillful, how to be delicate, how to be a powerful healer.

As you all know, this is not an overnight transformation. As my beloved Swami Kaleshwar would frequently say to an impatient, anxious student, "Hurry, worry, currry." We don't want bad fast food from the divine -- we want a full delicious banquet. (And the divine wants to give that to us.) It takes time to prepare the full meal, complete with many courses.

Our job, as spiritual students, is to do the work, from our side, the meditations, the sadhanas, the processes, and to go deep in our inner research on our own blocks, being honest about them, and working to dissolve them.... and leave the results, all the rest of it, to god.

Shirdi Baba - aka the divine energy - is asking for two rupees, faith and patience. 

How are you giving that to the divine, today?


                                                         

Thursday, July 02, 2020

miracle healing story from 2013



doing a distance healing meditation, 2014



a lot of my healing work (in addition to my private healing practice) has become a behind-the-scenes activity -- I'm constantly sending distance healing to many, many people. the miraculous results and life-changing turnarounds are still happening, but no one even knows I had any involvement in these situations or lives, on the surface. 

years ago I read a passage from Rumi (that I haven't been able to locate since, alas) where he said something like, "you will take care of thousands of people/yet never know their names."  

one of the most amazing examples, actually, of this approach to healing came unexpectedlyin June of 2013. 

I'd seen a brilliant, professional woman for healing, once, in LA -- I'll call her R., -- she'd been through a total traumatic wringer in her life, really appalling health circumstances had plagued her through her life, and she's only about 40 right now.  I'd seen a piece she wrote on the net, and was deeply moved by her situation -- enough to offer a formal healing to a total stranger.  (we had a friend in common who passed my offer along to her.) 

although I did the healing, her heart was so utterly closed and bruised that she couldn't really receive it -- although some circumstances in her life and traumatic times did start to improve, over the year that followed the healing.   she was obviously not inclined to stay in touch with me -- although I've kept doing distance healing for her, blessing her life, from my background role, ever since I met her.

a few weeks ago, our mutual friend called me in horror -- R.'s husband, business partner and soul mate, also fairly young (early 40s) was suddenly in the hospital with a life-threatening condition, like out of nowhere.  I read her blogs on the net and -- omg!  he was really close to dying.  just, in a few days of hospital admission. 

this was, I think, on a Tuesday afternoon. 

he wasn't responding to any medication, the doctors were baffled but trying everything they could think to do....  it was really appallingly serious. and she was being unbelievably stalwart, positive, brave, prayerful, and trying to make sense of it all while being a real life-line to her fragile, slipping-away mate. 

all I could think about were the incomprehensible mountains of pain and horror, and the intense suffering, that this woman had ALREADY been through in her life -- and that the divine just couldn't, could not, must not, subject her to the loss of her husband on top of it all.  it was just too much to bear.  

so I began doing serious, intense, distance healing and called many friends to also ask them to send distance healing to this man none of us had ever met.   (and R., the woman, and their young daughter.)   

some of the most intense, divine intervention kinds of healing tools I know were immediately and constantly put into use, in the service of this man's life. 

I remember being -- literally -- on my knees at one point, simply begging the divine and the lineage of gurus to spare his life. 

by Friday came the word that he had -- inexplicably -- turned the corner.

that Friday afternoon, I read her blog entry from the Thursday night before -- he had been so sick, so far away, so out of consciousness, that she had basically written a plaintive, poignant, gut-wrenching farewell to him... I was very glad I hadn't read this until the next day, and that he was beginning to show signs of improvement.

that blessed photo - he's walking!
on Saturday, my friend sent me a photo -- one of the most joyful, heart-melting sights I've ever seen in my life as a healer.  it was taken from the back, and it was in a hospital hallway, of R. and her husband, obviously weak and in a hospital gown, with a portable IV contraption on his side, leaning on her shoulder as they took a walk down the hospital hall together, gently, for the first time since he'd been admitted to the hospital nearly a week before!

he was walking!  he was on the mend!  he wasn't going to die after all!  R. wasn't going to have to face the unspeakable tragedy of young widowhood, and the total loss of her soul mate, best friend, husband and partner!!!!!! 

I cried in sheer relief, and in sheer joy, at the phenomenal miracle of such a healing moment.  my heart was too full to speak!   

I was so grateful -- for the tools that I know -- for the crew of dedicated healers, students and colleagues alike, who'd all taken the time from their hearts to send healing to this total stranger. 

and then I remembered that he was, in fact, a total stranger -- someone I had never met, and would likely never meet!

it was weird, in the anxiety and worry for his situation, and R.'s potential devastation of the loss of his life, coupled with the intimacy of soul-to-soul healing day in and day out for several intense days -- I had completely forgotten that I didn't actually know this man in person. 

I celebrated privately, inside, my soul singing in joy and delight, in happiness and gratitude, for days.  I thanked my master Kaleshwar, and his entire lineage of holy saints and souls (for it's really all their miraculous energetic abilities that did the heavy lifting in this case -- people like me are just instruments of intention, directing that energy somewhere specific in this world, like to R's husband). I knew it was really the victory of the divine, this healing, and I was so ecstatic, beyond words.   

at one point, my friend (mutual with R. and her husband) asked me, "do you want me to tell them?" and my response was immediate, and sure: "absolutely not.  what would be the point?  I know how this miracle healing happened, and you know, and the other people who sent distance healing know... and that's enough, don't you think?" 







two of the miracle healing saints in my guru lineage: 
Sri Kaleshwar & Shirdi Baba


Monday, May 25, 2020

tikkun


                                                                      for B. 

how a heart can be 
holy, unwhole
even while beating
in fine health

much like a planet,
spinning in its good time
a perfect globe
holding billions 
of hearts,

broken into pieces
of shattered, scattered 
peace.

but those binding ties
between us all -- 
strangers though we may seem
across continents, cultures, language
chasms of belief & practice -- 
go deeper still

pointing always 
back
to one

one light
one love
one peace 

held together by billions
of threads so delicate
as to remain shimmeringly unseen

but experienced, 
(tangible heartstrings tugged)
when triumph
or disaster
strikes. 

& closer, still...
in a fractured world
of fragmented hearts, 

if I hold your essential pulse 
in my warm hands, touching
your soul from deep within
my own eyes, breath, speech, 
heart beyond thought
where love knows 
its own way home

& in that holding,
a wholeness
even for a melted instant
emerges:

a simple equation of ignition
two made 
one
candle flame held to another
just enough to leap into light, 
its self
& share more fire
in the darkness.

a newly trans(cendent)formed
one
can help illuminate
those illusory, 
seemingly separate threads,
reawaken
hearts
by the millions

simply pouring flame
blessed, liquid fire
from inward 
outwards
to inwards again

to repair,
to lift,
to transform
the all 

through 
the simple 
formless heat
of one.


this is how we burn,
this is how we bless.

this is how we heal.  


.

.

.



from 16 march 2011, (c) Alx Uttermann

Sunday, May 03, 2020

random act of kindness: the quarantine edition



quarantine story:

A beautiful young friend goes shopping for B and me sometimes; she is happy to do it. This morning, she got our list for two stores, Trader Joe’s and Ralph’s (grocery chain in SoCal). 
She texted me after coming from both places, saying the CRAZIEST thing had just occurred - while in the check-out line at Ralph’s, she remembered a neighbor who needed a few things, too, so she left the cart to go get them. 
By the time she returned... the young man ahead of her had PAID for our grocery items and just left, refusing to let her pay him back.  
Of couse he was masked, so there was no way to recognize him again! 
Wow. Needless to say, we were speechless. Who does that? 🙏🏽(Thank you, Baba!) 
As she’s driving toward our home, she mentions that her best friend (who was with her for the shopping/driving adventure) wants to pay for our Trader Joe’s groceries, as well - the best friend was so moved by the random act of kindness by the guy at Ralph’s!!!!!!!!!! 
WHAAAAAAAAAT??????! 
So - these two ridiculously, unnecessarily kind people paid for our groceries today. 
Such beautiful gestures, and testimony to the open hearts in our world. 
We are so grateful, and humbled. 
I thought I should post about this in case these two strangers’ actions might inspire others to do the same. 
Stay safe, all, and remember that though these times may be chaotic and stressful, there are also beautiful people with open hearts in our world, quietly blessing others through simple kindness. 
Maybe you’ll be the next one?
💖💖

Monday, April 20, 2020



Altar to The Phoenix 
(in the time of coronavirus)




I want to see what comes
from these ashes 

but first 

I want to see the actual ash
for myself to know 

it has finally all burnt down
beyond recognition.

O Phoenix — America 
is on fire right now, 
with a disease beneath a disease, 
burning its way through 
the old dark despicable writhing stuckness:

greed’s hideous moldy face 
devouring 
everything
& everyone in its way
especially our poor, our children, our older folks, 
our huddled masses yearning 
not to huddle any more….. 

my faith is in the young ones, 
the beautiful laughing kids
who right now have no idea
that the sky is falling 
while their adults stay at home 
& entertain them, little angels, 
all the while exchanging scared grown-up 
meaning-filled looks 
over the wee heads 
& holding one another extra tight 
for solace, for comfort, for life 
hoping they won’t be the next 
to catch a deadly spark

these children don’t know yet 
the extent 
of the fire blazing through 
the American nightmare of selfishness
& perhaps they never will — 

maybe your tail is in full flames by now, 
dear Phoenix, 
dear America,

but we have a long way to go
a long way to go
a long long way 

before this conflagration burns you up 
completely

leaving the ash behind 

(its pure remains 

promising 

a new form
a new kindness
a new way 

a re-newal 

of this land, this people, this heart). 

I want to see that ash for myself, 
to know your old ways 
have been charred to the ground
& scattered into oblivion’s void 
where they belong. 

I want to see that ash. 

I want to see it all gone for good. 

and then

I want to see you rise.  



.


.