the power of fear.... 

I've been wanting to tell this story for a while, now -- because it illustrates perfectly how unbelievably powerful fear can be, even as a materialized presence, blocking an otherwise smooth, spontaneous, and clear action.

some years ago, when I was living at the UCBK temple in the Santa Cruz mountains (The Universal Church Of Baba's Kitchen), a friend and I were standing together in the office (we'd converted the rather lavish home's 3-car garage space into a luxuriously spacious office space).

as I had done many many times over years past, I was preparing to drag my small upright piano (really a spinet, for those who know of such things) across the room. the piano was small enough, and when balanced just right on its two back wheels, it truly was not a tough maneuver for me to move it across a room.  this particular piano had been mine for over a decade by then, and had made many moves with me, from Los Angeles to the Bay Area, and then to its current home in the Santa Cruz mountains of California.

for those unfamiliar with me in person, I'm a pretty strong girl. (but I'm also smart about the role of gravity, and balance, and leveraging same, to move heavy objects safely when needed.)

although the exact circumstances elude me now, I think we were updating the rugs in the office, and so I needed to move the piano away for a short bit of time, put the new rug's corner down, and then slide the piano back to its spot, on top of the new rug.

anyway, I'm standing there, chatting with my friend, and preparing to tilt the piano back, find the balance point on its back wheels, and move it. no big deal.

except this -- my friend was a nervous, scared type of person.  I mean, a REALLY nervous, fearful person.

when she saw me tilting the piano back, she asked me, in a horrified voice, what I was planning to do.  I replied calmly, saying, "oh, I'm just going to drag the piano over there - " pointing to the space a few feet away where it would land, temporarily.

she flipped out, her eyes wide, and her voice shaking, begging me not to do this.  "it's too heavy. oh my god, you'll hurt yourself.  you can't do it! why don't we wait for a couple of the stronger guys to do this for you? it would be better." and so on and so on.

I was laughing at her, saying, "relax, I've done this so many times, it's really no big deal!"  even while she kept on telling me (and then pleading with me) not to try to do this.

as I was laughing, I was tilting the piano back, and readying myself to shove it.  seriously, I had done this so many times in the past that it truly was No Big Deal.

except -- the piano wouldn't move!

what?

I hurled myself against it again, in a move that had worked countless times before.  nothing.  it wasn't going anywhere.

"huh," I thought, "that's strange -- maybe one of the wheels is caught in a groove in the existing rug?"  I lowered the piano back onto all four wheels (including the front two legs) -- and checked it out.  nope.  it wasn't stuck in any weird way that would impede its forward motion.

my friend was hopeful when I lowered the piano back to the ground.  then she was aghast when I again tilted its weight back onto the two back wheels, and again gave it my full-bodied shove that would ordinarily send it flying across a floor.

and again, it wasn't moving.

this was so strange! I had no concept of what could possibly be impeding this piano from moving!

after one more round of trying (while my friend was wringing her hands, sure that I was going to throw my back out or drop the piano on my feet or god knows what story her fear was ginning up inside), I threw up my hands, baffled.

"okay, so this isn't working,"  I conceded, "maybe we'll deal with it later."

oh my god, my friend was SO relieved!

she wandered off after a few minutes to go do something else.  I'd also gotten involved with another activity in the office, on the other side of the room... but I kept feeling that something was really off, and weird, about the piano having not moved.   I kept looking up at the piano, thinking that this was quite mysterious.  why couldn't I move it?

finally, after about twenty minutes or so, I couldn't stand it any more. the office was deserted.  I went over to the piano, tilted it back onto its rear wheels and gave it a shove, the same maneuver I'd been trying while my friend was hemming and hawing and pleading with me to NOT try such a dangerous thing on my own....

....and the piano, as if magically, went sailing across the carpet, just like I'd thought it would've done, earlier!

WHAT?

so I calmly set it down on the other area, moved the new rug, and moved the piano back, the same way I'd gotten it to the different part of the room, baffled, the entire time, about how this was possible, when it had been completely impossible just a half-hour before.  the difference in how easy it was to move the thing made no sense to me.

until it hit me.

the only difference from a half-hour before and now was the presence of my friend and her paralyzing fear!  (literally: paralyzing, as her fear had been enough to prevent the movement of a musical instrument.)

once she was out of the room and not thinking about me moving the piano any more, and not worrying and fretting and using all her will power to keep me from doing it -- it was simple enough to move the piano!

this was a stunning demonstration of how powerful fear is, as a force in our world.  it can hold back natural actions, spontaneous expressions, authentic truths, emotional clarity, -- it can paralyze us from doing almost anything.  we all know this; fear's toxic role in our lives is a given.

but to see a physicalized demonstration of fear's capacity to stop a simple action......  wow.

this was a huge life-lesson for me, and one that I have never forgotten since.

how often do we let fear -- our own or others -- hold us back from doing what we know to be simple, right, or natural for us?

(and why on earth would we ever give it that much power over us?)