state change...
sometimes the miraculous occurs as a simple, simple experience.
one day when I was in India, in the ashram in Penukonda, I was walking to the main temple in a complete rage.
I was really angry with someone, and although I knew that wasn't a great state to be in, I was in the midst of it, and dammit, I was angry. so, as I'm walking to the temple, along the path, I notice that my guru is sitting on his little cot by his fire pit, talking with some people.
in my mind, I thought, "oh, god, THIS is embarassing, walking by my master teacher when I'm in such a rage!"
and then I thought AT him, "hey, I'm SO sorry, please excuse the state I'm in right now. I really don't mean to be so angry right now and I'm sorry I'm walking right by you in this kind of a rage, since I know you feel these vibrations and they suck, but that's where I'm at, right now."
as I'm thinking this, I'm walking along and I pass the place where he's sitting, and as he's behind me, I hear him call my name, softly. I turn around, and I see Kaleshwara grinning at me from his fire, and he asks me about a beautiful friend who's also a student of mine, and then said some really nice things about my friend, who I love a lot, and it really warmed my heart.
it was, like, two sentences.
by the time that brief conversation ended, and I turned to continue my way walking toward the temple, I realized that my white-hot rage was completely gone. completely. no trace of it. instead, I was heartful and happy.
they say if you take one step toward the divine, it HAS to take nine steps back to you.
I recognized that there was a mechanism at play: because I'd made the effort to communicate on the subtle (ie, non-verbal) level with my teacher, as I was walking and fuming along, he was kind enough to take those nine steps to me, to wash out my rage, to 'eat' that rage, and to completely change my emotional state, there, flipped it 180 degrees in the span of two sentences.
transforming my fairly vibrant negativity into high positivity in the span of, oh, two seconds. that's a deep mechanism.
that's also the master's grace.
I walked on, grinning appreciatively to myself, thinking, "how did he DO that?"
.
.
.
one day when I was in India, in the ashram in Penukonda, I was walking to the main temple in a complete rage.
I was really angry with someone, and although I knew that wasn't a great state to be in, I was in the midst of it, and dammit, I was angry. so, as I'm walking to the temple, along the path, I notice that my guru is sitting on his little cot by his fire pit, talking with some people.
in my mind, I thought, "oh, god, THIS is embarassing, walking by my master teacher when I'm in such a rage!"
and then I thought AT him, "hey, I'm SO sorry, please excuse the state I'm in right now. I really don't mean to be so angry right now and I'm sorry I'm walking right by you in this kind of a rage, since I know you feel these vibrations and they suck, but that's where I'm at, right now."
as I'm thinking this, I'm walking along and I pass the place where he's sitting, and as he's behind me, I hear him call my name, softly. I turn around, and I see Kaleshwara grinning at me from his fire, and he asks me about a beautiful friend who's also a student of mine, and then said some really nice things about my friend, who I love a lot, and it really warmed my heart.
it was, like, two sentences.
by the time that brief conversation ended, and I turned to continue my way walking toward the temple, I realized that my white-hot rage was completely gone. completely. no trace of it. instead, I was heartful and happy.
they say if you take one step toward the divine, it HAS to take nine steps back to you.
I recognized that there was a mechanism at play: because I'd made the effort to communicate on the subtle (ie, non-verbal) level with my teacher, as I was walking and fuming along, he was kind enough to take those nine steps to me, to wash out my rage, to 'eat' that rage, and to completely change my emotional state, there, flipped it 180 degrees in the span of two sentences.
transforming my fairly vibrant negativity into high positivity in the span of, oh, two seconds. that's a deep mechanism.
that's also the master's grace.
I walked on, grinning appreciatively to myself, thinking, "how did he DO that?"
.
.
.
posted by Alx Uttermann @ 1:36 PM
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